Mine

I found her again. I walked in a vacant daze through the tunnel to Central station, and suddenly she was there, in front of me. She was wearing a black dress, and red thongs and a stripy bag. Her hair was all done up in a bun, which emphasised her elegant neck. She walks delicately, floats even. I could do little else but follow, drawing in the sight of her like a breath and holding it in me. A thousand thoughts were in my head as I walked, what I should say or do. But again I was at a loss. I followed her up to the platform and stood away a distance and watched her. The train came and she hopped on, but not before I’d captured the moment for myself again.

Tomorrow I’ll be on that train. I have a class, but I won’t be there. I’ll be with her. Making her mine. I can’t live without her any longer.

Time out

Ive decided not to go to classes this week. Even when im physically there, im mentally not. Just tired. Withdrawn. Wanting to get out. To escape.

The wrong place

I saw a bloke beaten senseless tonight. At work. The strange thing was it didnt really phase me. I mean, it happens a fair bit at the pub. But my mind was just elsewhere I guess. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe I was too in a way. The day I ran into her.

What am i doing?

Its 3am. And I haven’t been to work. I dont know why I’m awake actually. I’m just sitting around after all. I have an exam tomorrow but I can’t see that I’ll be going. I may not even get out of bed. All I want to do is imagine her. She’s a miracle, a gift, a vision. I imagine what she’s doing, what she’s wearing, her scent, her touch, her kiss… Since I saw her that day in the park thats all I’ve done. I’ve worked my long hours, and slept just as many, and gone to what classes I could manage, which isn’t really many. And even those I do go to are spent staring or sleeping. I spend most of my days bleery eyed, with a constant dull ache in my head. Maybe its her. Eating at my brain.

I have to see her again. I have to speak to her. Do something.

Girls on the brain

…

I saw her. The girl from the other week. The one I couldn’t stop thinking about. Completely at random! I’d been into the CBD to do a little shopping in Pitt Street, and decided to walk up toward St James station and make my way home. When I got there I thought it was a pretty nice day so I took a walk through the park. Sometimes theres these guys there doing that footbag thing I wrote about a while ago, and also some people practicing ‘bar flair’ which, since starting work, I’ve discovered is pretty cool. And there she was, sitting alone on the grass in the sun. Enjoying her own company, the weather, the day. Life. She looked amazing… just incredible. Like, just as I remembered, but somehow better. I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew somehow I had to capture this moment, to do some thing that I had waited for so long for the chance to do.
I just didn’t really know what that thing was. Of all the things I’d thought of saying, of doing, I could think of none of them. I was stunned, and in a way, panicked. I knew I had to keep this moment somehow. So I took out my mobile phone, and took a picture. Its a little blurry, a little badly angled, but it was there. Locked in my possession. Is it weird? To take a photo of someone like that? It’s not is it? I don’t know. It’s all I could do. I just did it… and all I could do then was walk away.

…and I been working like a dog

Hi blog. Not much happening at the moment, just Uni, work, Uni, work, and more work. They’re giving me four nights a week at the moment, which I think is too much but I want to get in the good books, at least at first. I’ll have to drop one shift though or that, plus Uni, will just smash me. I’m pretty tired during the week now though, as my weekend consists of working till 3 or 4am, sleeping all day- repeat. I’m finding it a little hard to concentrate in class, or stay awake for that matter.
Good thing though perhaps is that I have little time to think about that girl, or home, or anything else really. Its been a good stress reliever in some ways, but seems to be adding a little stress on my waking hours!

Its been a hard days night…

So I just got back from my first shift, its like 2am and I’m exhausted. So much for a quiet mid-week shift to get me started! More like getting thrown in the deep end. Turns out there was a function booked in part of the pub and also a major football match being televised, not to mention the Wednesday pool competition and cheap champagne for the ladies. The work is ok I guess, I mean not the most glamorous job to be doing but its great to be out amongst it, even if it does mean cleaning up other people’s shitty mess. The people are pretty nice too, some real lookers in the bar thats for sure! I didn’t have too much trouble handling it I think, though I did have to ask a lot of questions. Oh and I spilt a beer on some guy, he wasn’t happy about it but that was about the extent of the drama.

Just a long, constantly busy night really. I’m wrecked right now. Its going to take a little while to adjust my body to these hours and conditions! I’m glad I got my foot in the door.

Digital fingerpaint

That girl has really been on my mind lately, even more so the last few days, but having been so long since that day I ‘met’ her, the memory of her face is starting to fade. She must be around Uni somewhere, I guess I’ve just not been in the right place at the right time. I don’t want to forget her face. It might kill me.

Harry has been good lately. He seems to be more settled at preschool and its reflected in his behaviour at home. I let him have a play with my computer, he drew me this picture with a painting program. It’s amazing how quickly he took to it, kids seem to be naturals with computers. It took me ages to figure out how that program works!

‘You bloody ripper!’

I got the job! It was easy as. It was only about five minutes into the interview, me telling him what I was doing in Australia and a little about my background, when he asked me when I would like to start! So my first shift is Wednesday night, a bit of a quieter night he says, to get me used to how the place works and what I have to do. I’m starting out on the floor, just picking up glasses, keeping the place tidy, helping to move stock etc, but he says if everything goes well I can expect some shifts behind the bar itself in the near future. Sweet as!

Oh, funny aside thought. What is it with the ‘as’ that Aussies say? Hot as, sweet as, red as, tired as, drunk as. Drunk as what? A very drunk thing I guess… strange.

Anyhoo I should be getting about three shifts a week, all going well. I have to be available Friday and Saturday nights, but they are the good, long, better paid shifts so its not so bad and I need to be out and about. It’s a good a place as any to be working, I mean you sort of feel like you’re out partying, except you’re not drunk and you’re getting paid! Plus all the time im there working, I’m not out spending the money, which is also a good thing.
All in all a pretty good day! I think I’ll grab a beer to celebrate. Ive been drinking this James Squire’s Golden Ale lately, its amazing. Very fruity and sweet, not at all like beer back home but its a great drop, especially on a hot day relaxing on the (tiny) apartment balcony. Gotta make do with what you got I suppose!

Speaking of beer, i saw this place advertised on television. Its in some place called Campbelltown which is who-knows-where, but its a store where you can choose and brew your own beer, then take home about 150 bottles of the stuff, without all the mess and hassle. Could be worth a look in! I added it to my links collection.

Now if only she were here…